


To Akechi Goro

by Daanny



Category: Persona 5
Genre: Letters, M/M, POV First Person
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-01-23
Updated: 2019-01-23
Packaged: 2019-10-15 03:49:10
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,335
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17521436
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Daanny/pseuds/Daanny
Summary: A letter written by the Fool will surely be only a string of mindless rambles...





	To Akechi Goro

**Author's Note:**

> inspired by https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4MoRLTAJY_0
> 
> the protag is not based on that of the game, manga or anime

Tokyo never seems to rest.

Standing beside the train station and watching everyone pass by, headed towards their own differing destinations, I wonder if I’ll be able to see you today. I want to see you, I think.

Your words when we first met are etched deep in my brain; your voice on endless repeat. I wanted to find someone who thought the same as me, and when I finally did, I cannot bring myself to trust you.

The time passes without waiting for anyone. I let out a sigh and head for the train to Leblanc. I couldn’t see you today, either.

Even if we were able to meet, I wouldn’t be able to get close to you. It would be a mistake on both of our side, yet just knowing this doesn’t stop the tugging of my heart. I want to sit down across from you and talk, the way I would talk to any other one of my friends. I want to get to know you.

Maybe I’ll write a letter. Grandmother always told me to put my words to someone down on paper if I can’t tell the other person. I’ll burn the letter when I’m finished so that no one will ever known its contents but myself.

A letter to Akechi Goro.

My desk is lined with blank paper and my pencil case. Morgana is out on a walk and said that he would take a while. I sit down and grab a pen.

_To Akechi Goro,_

The scratching of my pen across paper, gliding over the roughness of the table underneath is strangely comforting. Yet after those three quick words, I find myself at a loss of what to write.

I want to see you, I want to know you, I want to be by your side; all those things seem to be nothing but passing thoughts in my own mind. What do I actually think of him? What do I actually want from him? I don’t know.

But I do know that on some level, I yearn for his company.

If I keep thinking of what to write, I’ll never be able to write it. My pen begins moving, leaving words that barely make sense next to each other. When I finish my first page, half of it is filled with words I scratched out, but that doesn’t matter. No one else will know the contents of this letter. It is addressed to Akechi Goro, but it is written for myself.

I wonder if this is what love feels like.

But in this world, love is only played up to by society to be the one thing of utmost importance. Whether if I agreed with that…

I wouldn’t know.

Just living in this world fills me with ideas that aren’t my own. I’m no longer able to sort out the ideas that are mine from those that have been force-fed down my throat. I chuckle at the irony of my thoughts. It is my job to fight through the palaces of the wrong in the world, but that is solely based on my perception of right and wrong.

I’m waiting for the day we are given incorrect information and end up punishing those who were in the right.

Surely my team would be horrified. They are the ones chasing after their own ideals the way I could never. Or perhaps they simply have yet to realize the irony in their actions. Or maybe they have thought about it only to convince themselves they’re doing the right thing.

I wish they could also convince myself.

I wish Akechi Goro cold convince me.

I wish I could convince myself.

What am I trying to convince myself of? I don’t know.

Surely the adults in the world don’t bother themselves with the feelings in my heart. But I am already seventeen, overseas, it would only be a year until I am of age. Do the eighteen year olds there know what they want to do? Will I know what to do in a year? Will this doubt in my heart magically evaporate?

It was as if this world doesn’t want someone like me.

I wish this world would just end without me..

I put away my pen and find a lighter. Without realizing, I had filled 5 blank sheets of paper with words that I wanted to tell Akechi Goro, but they weren’t really for him. They were my words for only myself. After it catches on fire, it only takes seconds before they are all shrivelled up and fall to the ground in ashes.

I’m doing perfectly fine.

* * *

I am happy that you are joining our team. I am disappointed that you are not truly part of our team. I wish you could open up to us, tell us the deepest parts of yourself. I wish that I could help. Yet who am I to ask that of you when I can only write down my pleas for help only to burn them?

After writing that first letter, I fell into the habit of addressing a letter to Akechi Goro only to write down my thoughts as they come into my mind. Sometimes I wrote of my uncertainty in myself, and other times I wrote of the tasty pastry I bought from Yon-Germain. Whatever I wrote of, it was a direct transcription of my true thoughts directed to Akechi Goro. Sometimes I wonder why Akechi Goro doesn’t open up to me when I’ve told him all there is to know about me before remembering that the true Akechi Goro knows next to nothing about me. I am only talking to my own rendition of Akechi Goro.

That saddens me a little, I think.

_To Akechi Goro,_

It’s almost winter and I’m starting to feel a little melancholic. Compared to the life I had living with my parents, it’s easy to say that I vastly enjoy my life right now over that of living with them, yet I still miss it, I think. My parents sent me away for school without too much concern and I understand that. It must have been a lot of trouble on their part. They didn’t want to live with a criminal. I’m not mad at them, I don’t think. It’s simply that this world doesn’t want somoene like me, my parents are not in the wrong.

I wish I could be away from people. They are always the root of my problems.

I wish I could be away from myself.

The pen in my hand feels uncomfortable, clunky, so I put it down and burn the short letter I wrote.

Tonight as well, I’m doing perfectly fine.

* * *

I had a dream when I was younger. I don’t remember what I wanted to become, but I wanted to become _something_. Yet soon enough, that dream grew mould, attracted flies and rotted away. I packed it away in a plastic bag and left it with the burnable trash. Sooner or later, my body would rot away in the same way. Everyone dies in the end, what is the point of continuing to live?

_To Akechi Goro,_

_I wish you could answer my question, yet you cannot._

_You died._

What made you choose death so easily? Those out in the world have done things much worse than yours with little to no reason. You could have led a future in this rotten world with me.

Why did you not take me with you? I told you once and once again this world doesn’t want someone like me.

But of course, you never knew of any of that. They were letters addressed to you, yet written only for me. I wish I was by your side.

I no longer have anyone to address my letters to. I wonder if this feeling in my heart will only continue.

I wish we could have talked, but this wish, I think, I made too late.

I don't think I'm doing fine today.

**Author's Note:**

> the mc is 16-17 in the game, for the sake of ease i casted him as 17


End file.
